ITHACA, NY – After years of distant and strained relations, the City of Ithaca is finally beginning to reconcile with its closest neighbor, reality.
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What led to the falling out between the city and the rest of existence has been lost to history. Some historians suggest that the feud has been going for ages — at least as long, they say, as it took to reconstruct the Commons. Others dispute this as a literal impossibility, however.
Regardless, many Ithaca residents believe that it is time to break down the walls.
“I think it could be a really interesting cultural exchange,” said one long-time Ithacan. “Sure, maybe they spell ‘gorges’ weird, but we’re really not all that different, when you think about it.”
The idea has been with with substantial opposition, however.
“Look, when it comes to reality — I know reality, okay — and let me tell you, it’s not great. It’s not great,” said one opponent of the plan. “I think we should build a big wall around Ithaca to keep reality out. And you know what else? We should make reality pay for that wall.”
Negotiations surrounding the new border agreement were tense. According to a source close to City Hall, talks almost broke down on more than one occasion.
“It was a real push and pull,” said the source. “Reality doesn’t like that Ithaca always wants to play by its own rules, and Ithaca doesn’t like that reality is, quote ‘a total buzzkill.’ In the end, though, they both agreed to a reasonable balance.”
The border is set to open today, on April 1, a decision that has raised some eyebrows.
“I really pushed to move the date,” said one city official. “I think making a big change like this on April Fool’s Day could send the wrong message.”
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