Ithaca, N.Y. — Most are inexperienced, none are professional, several have personal deficiencies or relationship problems or conspicuously expanding guts.

But there is one unifying characteristic behind the approximately 12 comedians who graced the Lot 10 stage in downtown Ithaca: They know how to tell a joke.

“Ithaca has the best comedy scene you’ve never heard of,” said Ruben RC, the regular host of the burgeoning Ithaca standup scene.

Two Ithaca Voice staffers took in the free “Open Mic” show at Lot 10 last night. Keith Hannon was the guest host.

Arce at a previous stand-up show at Lot 10.

The shows are every second and fourth Wednesday of the month, according to Arce. There will also be a paid show at the Dock on Friday, Oct. 24.

10 lines from last night’s Lot 10 show…:


From a comedian who went by “Agusto:”

1 — “Me and my girlfriend are having some problems. We come from different worlds. I’m from Brazil, so I have that whole South American culture thing. And she’s imaginary.”

2 — “The issue of ghosts. The thing is ghosts are (expletive, expletive). How come every time you hear about a ghost haunting a host it’s always like turning lights on and off? And breaking (expletive) and scaring people?

“How come you can’t make a movie about a nice ghost? Like I come home, and my laundry’s been done for me. The dishes have been washed. Honey, did you do the dishes? No, I thought you did. …Oooooo.”

3 — “What about the issue of AIDS? … You have so many kinds of AIDS, like cool-aid and band-aids and gatorades …. Let’s start with my favorite, bandaids. If you’re in a band, you’re going to get AIDS. Gatorade … that’s probably the worst way you can get AIDS, is from a gator.”


From comedian Evan Roberts:

4 — “So we’re celebrating a gay marriage in town tonight. I was at a bar in Lansing and these rednecks were bitching about gay marriage. They were like, ‘Well, it’s ridiculous – they just want to get benefits. They just want to get married so they can have benefits.’ … and I’m like, ‘so you hate (gay people) more than you hate insurance companies?”

Then he says, “‘By that logic I should just marry my dog. Should I go marry my dog?’ Which is an outrageous question, because I have no idea what kind of dog that guy has.”

“The holidays would be great if people could marry dogs because you would bring your dog home and your mom would be, ‘It’s always pit bulls! It’s always pit bulls with you. Why can’t you bring home a nice Irish Setter, like your brother?’”

5 — “I’m technically not white. If I have to get on an airplane I still have to shave.”


From comedian Steve Burke:

6 — “I hate it when people tell me I’m on a roll. When I lay down, I’m on several. Stop fat shaming.”

7 — “The only group of people not upset about the NFL domestic violence thing are the Asians. When’s the last time they heard a Rice joke where they weren’t the punchline?”

8 — “This weekend I went antiquing. That’s what you do when you get too old to hunt cougars.”

9 — “I love doing comedy. I haven’t spent this much time in bars since I was a fetus. At least this time I can see what’s going on.”


From comedian Ilan Kaplan

10 — “Jesus Christ … he invented an entire new religion just so he could eat bacon.”


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Jeff Stein

Jeff Stein is the founder and former editor of the Ithaca Voice.